I titled this writing “Coming Home” because writing again feels just that way to me. Coming home, in a deeper way, to my Heavenly Father. I say that not because I’ve been away from Him, but I feel like Jesus reveals Himself the most to me when I listen with intention and write with expectancy. With every entry this page begins completely empty with so much possibility and room for Him to speak, so my prayer is that we grow together. That you receive whatever God has for you whenever you’re here. Wether that be joy, peace, assurance, confidence, whatever it is, I pray that you read and leave this space with increase within. Not by anything I do, but because everything He is.
Happy New Year! Thank you for being here, whoever you are reading this. I can’t believe my last entry was in 2020 (am I the only one who still doesn’t believe that year was even real?) and here we are now beginning 2022. Two years later. And you probably already guessed that my word for the past two years wasn’t “consistency.” Lol.
I always thought I would grow up to be an English teacher, but unfortunately for me I dread writing papers and essays of any kind. The irony. But writing and words have always been such a large part of who I am. It’s the way I express that I care and express that I’m hurt. It’s the way I process and react. It’s the way I absorb and release.
I really do love this space, despite putting it on the back burner for some time now. I love this space to just be without the pressure to produce. This space to freely allow and invite whatever comes to come, with the hope that it reaches you also in some way.
So here I am.
If we are being honest, I don’t have much to say right now. At least it feels that way. (continues to write a whole page lol) But I always tell myself “I’ll start when (fill in the blank)” and somehow the time to start never comes.
“I’ll start when I have more free time.”
“I’ll start when my schedule slows down”
“I’ll start when the beginning of the week comes back around.”
“I’ll start when I finish the other things on my to-do list.”
“I’ll start when the New Year starts.”
“I’ll start when (fill in the blank.)”
This was me. This is me. And of course there is validation in all of those statements. However I’m realizing more and more that there is no better time to start the thing you’ve been putting off, but have been wanting to do, than right now. You know the thing I’m talking about.
I kept telling myself I would start when I made it out of 2020.
Then 2020 came and went.
I kept telling myself I would start when the following New Year began.
Then 2021 started, and ended, and still this space stayed empty.
I kept telling myself I would start when I finished one thing, but then I started the next.
And still nothing.
I kept telling myself “when I make it through this season I’ll start.”
That was two seasons ago.
So today I woke up and decided I was going to start. Again.
And if I get too busy, if I forget, if I put it off for a month or another two years after this entry, I will start again then, too.
I hope you start, or start again, today. Tomorrow. This week. This month. This year. Because you’re worth it. And you never know whose waiting on the other side of your “yes.”
“Stop dwelling on the past. Don’t even remember these former things. I am doing something brand new, something unheard of. Even now it sprouts and grows and matures. Don’t you perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and open up flowing streams in the desert”
Isaiah 43:18-19. TPT
This scripture felt like the perfect way to close this entry.
It is a beautiful reminder to me that God meets and receives us in grace and eagerness, ready to start again and move in our lives, regardless of how long we’ve been away from Him or the things He’s placed on our hearts. It is a permission that if God says to stop dwelling on the past that I can confidently live in the present with expectancy and sureness that He is moving in me now and forever, in a new way, in a way I can’t imagine on my own. It is a powerful promise that in relationship with Jesus, and the willingness to obey, He brings new life, new oil, a fresh wind, to the things we thought were dead and forgotten inside us and in our lives.
I’m always so in awe of this love I don’t deserve. What a friend we have in Jesus. We a good Father He is.
With all my love,
Ciarra.